i dont have timee **dont read, lol i just need to vent (: **

omg, i don't know what to do anymore -.- my life is just falling apart. i have leadership, band, family stuff, school work, but one thing i don't have is time ! and what i hate is I'm never doing anything right. my mom is just trying to kill me with hatred. i feel like she doesn't even care about me. as long as I'm in trouble, shes happy. she s never satisfied from what i do ! if its not one thing, its another. gawd. like, i wish she could just live in my life for a week. maybe then, she would understand why i am the way i am. its come the point where i don't even argue against what she has to tell me. i just accept it and tell her "fine, yea, I'm lazy, i don't deserve anything" she just tonight, told me I'm lazy, and she doesn't even think i deserve anything for my birthday, honestly. like, who says that?! like, really !?? but you know what, I'm not going to sit there, and argue to her about why i deserve anything for my birthday, I'm tired of doing that already. i always end up loosing the argument anyways. so i just told her " yea, your right, i don't deserve anything." just so that we can be done arguing already. but no, she still argues and yells at me "did i say you don't deserve anything?! NO i said that you are lazy and i don't get and think you deserve to have your friends sleep over and then have them come shopping with you the next day. your so selfish heighlee! what kind of friend takes her friends with her birthday shopping??!" like, women! i get it ! I'm lazy, I'm selfish, what else?! I'm just so sick of it already. she tells me everyday I'm so lazy and i shouldn't be tired because all i did all day was go to school. first of all, she has no idea how hard and exhausting it is to go to 6 hours of school, everyday. then she tells me going to her work all day is way worse . but lady, your sitting down all day, writing. sure, you might be doing other things, but when i think of it, you nearly do the same things as me all day. so shes a receptionist right, she sits down, listens to people , writes, and yea.so if you really think about it, school is wayy  worse. i have to walk around to my classes, some days, i have to play my trumpet, and just, UGHH. she doesn't get it >__> i just don't want a birthday anymore. she makes me feel so useless . why am i even here? like geez, maybe if i was gone, your life would be easier. so i just told her " i don't want to celebrate my birthday anymore." and i walked away. so yup. I'm done already. they always complain i tell them too much and talk too much. then fine, I'm just trying to not loose my good relationship with them. but its whatevers already. I'm not going to keep them updated with my life anymore. they don't care anyways. so from now on, im just gona do what i need to do, on time, and just not have any communication with them, unless they ask me anything. i dont even know if i should joing wrestling any more. do i have time?? at this point, i cant even turn assignments in on time, or practice my instrument when i need to . so i guess ill just see. ahah, k im done ;p hopefully no one reads this, i wouldnt want them to waste their time with my problems.. but yea, k byee (: