blog of the weeek.

it was a long week. honestly, it felt like it flew by quick, but alot just was happening left and right. i joined track. yay. and before i start talking on and on, yes this is a late blog.my classes this week were actually not that bad. we finished up all of our projects finally. in leadership, idk. i feel like im wasting my breath sometimes.i tell people in leadership to do this, do that, but they dont listen. they "ignore" me. like you know what, listen up because you cant do this on your own. your not all that okay, so just listen to us. i honestly feel like everyone in leadership should respect everyone. its irritating when us leaders have to take responsibility for you when you mess up on something we told you exactly what to do, but you just ignored us at that moment. like, you do not know okay? there are somethings that we know, that you dont. we also went to our teams homerooms every homeroom morning to show what to wear and not wear on spirit week. im kind of excited for spirit week, yet scared because my team doesnt even know our cheer. my period is kind of MIA. alot have been absent here and there, and this whole week i dont think we had a single period where we were all there. but overall, this week was messy. i didnt pull myself together like i said i would, i actually gave up. and tbh, nothing's getting better for me. i dont know how im  going to change, but i have to. i dont know when i'll change, but i have to. i dont know when i'll stop talking alot, but i have to. i dont know when i'll stop being lazy, but i have to. i dont know when i'll start actually listening in class, but i have to.i dont know when i'll make my parents proud, but i have to. whats wrong with me .---. i can only hope and pray that this upcoming week, i'll change. every other week is the same thing. i write a blog saying how " im going to change and make things different and be better" but i never do. my grades are falling. im honestly just giving up. i feel like just picking up , and moving to a whole different city, just so i can ditch all this crap. i cannot handle anymore. i think the reason why im so screwed up now, is because i started badly. i didnt give it my all from the beginning of 7th grade. i should've tried hard, i should've studied for quizes, i should've set my standards high. but i didnt, and thats why i am who i am today. im just so irritated with everyone. so much stress ! its killing me ;d but i think i can do it all, im just not trying hard "enough". so this weekend, i decided to knock off some things that distract me. first of all, having a thing with someone. i had a thing with this boy, and we were really close. i told him i dont want to talk to him anymore. i did this because honestly, he's a distraction. so yeah. no more him. hopefully i can do better now. its going to be hard because i have him every class every odd day, but its ok. i'll learn to ignore him. as much as i dont want to, it's for the best, and i need to get at my best. to be quieter, im going to start listening to more music. concentrate more. focus more. music helps alot with that. im also going to try be more independent. i hate when people think i CANT stop talking. i can. i can go silent for as long as i want. i CHOOSE to talk alot. why? because thats me. but i think i should change that. because i think people get "irritated". even my parents tell me i talk way to much. its to the point where i tell them about my day, and they say "okay heighlee! we get it. we feel like we were there already. you dont have to explain everything you did. we dont care." like seriously? i keep them updated because i want them to know im open. i want them to know im not hiding anything. but no. i shouldn't even waste my breathe anymore. just whatever. to do my homework more, im going to focus during class, and put homework before other things such as my btq and all. and im going to do it the day it's assigned so it's ready to be turned in next class already. as for reading, AR was due last week. i obviously cant change anything about that, but just read faster next quarter. for being lazy, im going to change by doing everything before i sit down, and watch TV. im going to do all my chores before i go on my phone. im going to finish all my homework before i take a nap. and thats all i think... hopefully these changes start tomorrow. i cant handle struggling anymore. i cant handle having a D in a class i know i can get atleast a B in. especially when honestly, i know i can get a A in that class, if i studied harder, and did my work on time. if i honestly wasnt lazy and i did all my work at my 101% best, i would have an A in every class. i hope i can step it up this week and full on change. i want to get good grades. i want my parents to be proud. i want to be different already because right now, my life sucks. k bye bloggers . have a good week. i think im going to go work on yearbook now... k bye.

busy busy week.

this week was depressing as ever -.- balloons, roses, chocolates, it was terrible. nah. its just like. everything was so sad this week and i honestly feel like it was nobodies good week. as in, we all had a bad, stressful week. im so irritated. i just wish i could redo this new year. but obviously, i cant. so idk i guess i just have to start from today and hope for the best. but like i dont want to. i want to redo this new year, so i can make different choices with certain things, and do different things. i know they say everything happens for a reason, but i believe that things would be better if i could redo it. seriously. moving on to why my week was bad again. well for one, my crush didnt ask me to be my valentine, when he said "i might ask you" and he sweet talked me and all. like seriously dude. you make me all excited and then bam. you do something to just make me hate you. so he told me he was guna ask me, and all that. and then, come monday, roxi tells me she gota tell me something, even though she knows she isnt supposed to. then i was like, ok (: nothing can make me sad anyway because he's going to ask me and im not guna let anything ruin today ^__^ and then she tells me that he told her,"im just going to ask heighlee b/c (_thegirlhelikes_) is too pretty." i just laughed and smiled and was like i dont care its ok (: but then when i thought about it, idk. i felt like a second choice, and i felt used. then to make it worse, i had him in all my classes that day. so i had him 1st period. i could barely look at him... like. i felt like i shouldnt because if i did, i had a feeling i'd just break down and start crying. how could he? and if you dont understand how crushed i was, think of it this way. you find out your crush was going to ask you out . your happy and all and your having a good day waiting for him to ask, almost sure he's going to. then your friend tells you he's just going to ask you because he cant have what he really wants. and he says shes too pretty, which he's technically calling you a downgrade of her. not pretty, average, probably even ugly. how would you feel? idk. so i tried not to think of it in 1st period. but then during recess, yazmeen reminds me how its ok i dont have a valentine and all. then when i thought about it, i just starting crying, and crying, and i couldnt stop. i felt like i've just held it in so long. i felt like heartbroken..  moving on though, i ignored him, couldnt even look him in the eye, snobbed him. i was just pissed. skipping to conclusion though, i didnt get asked by him. i didnt have a valentine. i did the right thing, told him to just build the gutts and ask who he really wanted.  he didnt know i knew what roxi told him. so yeah. he had no idea i cried about it. i dont even think he knows i like him. but yeah. along with my heart being broken, i had to encourage him to ask her. witness him asking her. her saying yes. only because i know he'd be happy with her, so yeah. but whatever. its just so. eh. i dont even want to think about it. i also had to manage to have a fake smile on the whole week. because i really wanted it to be a good one. but it was actually the worse. i was like a big emotional wreck. i was stressed because all our projects and homework assignments. and it was just a bad week. in leadership it was bad and stressful also. macky let savannah borrow her vest, and she never got it back. savannah still didnt find it, and now we are all screwed. its just another problem added to the many things i have on my "what to worry about, and why your stressed" list. i seriously had a enough. like. i know, this is my billionth time saying this. but im done. im not taking anymore crap. i need to get it together.. hopefully i can . im going to try, but idk what the chances of being successful is. wish me luck, and have a good week . bye.

this week? i had enough.

this week? i had enough. thats the title of this blog for the week. why? obviously,i had enough. im tired of having to be responsible for everyones OWN RESPONSIBILITY. i mean, yeah, i am a captain and all, but seriously?? some things are YOUR responsibility, not mines. im sick of having to remind people about their assignments that they know thats due, but dont do crap about it ! instead, they go talk, on their phones, scribble, do any kine ! like dude! you got work, finish it ! the one thing that irritated me the most though, is when i remind people to do stuff, they tell me "yeah " or "i will" and then a day later, i ask um if they did it and what do they say? "oh not yet. " then i ask them, "why?" then they say, "oh i dont know what to do for this, or this, " and it just makes me think. were you paying attention when i , errlyn , or megan said instructions?? or when mr.ing explained?? like, wtf?? asking questions i already said the answer to. ugh. im just so dissapointed and irritated. make me so stress you know?! like, i already have alot of stress in my hands, why do i have to put more stress, just for you ?! you obviously arent being a self directed learner, GLO #1 if you cannot do things on your own ! and have repsonsibility for your assingments ! moving  on though. well, there really isnt any other thing my week was about. it was just straight up stress ful. and this week, ahem** valentines week, i really dont want it to be bad. not because its valentines day week, i dont even have a valentine, so i could care less, but i just want it to be a good week because well. its supposed to be a good week. valentines week. love should be in the air ;3 ahah. well for me, just straight up happiness (: there's this person i want to be my valentine, but nah, lol he wouldnt ;p lol. if he did though *______* nah, no hopes up (x lol. im not going to hold my breath. but foreals, this week, it was not my week. i fell behind choke stuff. nothing like how i said i wanted it to be in my last blog ;/ it was actually nothing i wanted it to be. it was stressful all the way, and you know what, just plain stressful and bad. i cant handle all these projects ! the teachers literally are driving me nuts with all these essays and projects. mr.mitsuda is making us do a poem, ms.chin is making us do an essay, and for science, we have to make a project. i know, it doesnt sound like alot, but if you want the best quality on each of the assignments, then let me tell you, it wont be easy finding time to dedicate to each one . oh yeah, and im really struggling in just keeping my grades good looking ;/ its not the work honestly, its me. im not putting enough effort i guess. but there is the loads of stuff on my plate ;d i need to keep up. im so lazy these days thats why! -.- i always plan stuff, then bail eventually. ugh. whats wrong with me :( ? i seriously have no time, for anything. and its all because im either too lazy, or just too filled up with to much crap. i dont know anymore. i need to stop what im doing, and step it up. so tonight, im staying up to organize all my crap. its the middle of the night right now, and im half way through. i need to work on yearbook, AR maybe, and homework thats due on monday. thats my goal. but enough about my plans, this week. for leadership, we're doing alot. there's so much things we have to plan for. spirit week, orientation, and all the little things inside of the main activities. we also have to make sure none of our kids get on probation because we cant really afford anyone to not be in orientation at this point. the thing is though, i know i am a group leader and being in this position means i hold responsibility for not only myself, but for my kiddos too, but still. there's a line between me being responsible for you, and then theirs a point where you have to take care of your own responsibilities. i mean, whats your purpose here if i have to do everything for you? thats a load of crap. and i think im done telling my kids and reminding them about certain stuff. i will when i need to, but i'll tel them once, what they have to do, when its due, when to be done, and then after that, they're responsible for completing that. it just makes my life harder, having to worry about my assignments, and then 6 other people assignments. so yeah. its going to change from now on. and im done being nice. i'll have my moments, but i think i need to be more serious. i just seriously cant take this anymore. something NEEDS to change. k. well thats all for this week guys. besides all this negative energy in this blog, (sorry about that btw) i hope you guys all have a lovely valentines week <3 (:

1-28-13 ~ 2-1-13

monday ~~ hayy there bloggers and bloggets ;3 wassup. so today was good or somewhat. we had periods 1,3 and 5. during homeroom, i talked to my kids about how they need to start putting effort. so i set some rules to make sure they do. i mean, i know we should see if they care enough, but honestly, i dont want to take any chances. so me telling them they need to change, so do i . first of all, the reason why i talked to my group about all this and talked to them about changing, is that mr.ing told us that there is a new change starting next week. and that change is, if one person in our group does a late blog, no AR, or stuff like that, the main group leader and their group leader for their tiny group is on probation for the week , along with them. he showed us a list of who didnt do AR last week, who did missing blogs, and i seen that 2 of my kids didnt do AR last week. then when he told us the new change, i knew i had to do something about all this. so, during homeroom, i had a small meeting with my group. i told them that just for our group, im setting 2 rules. AR needs to be done on thursday, and blogs need to be done on friday. and im going to be checking on those days, if everyone in my group finished on time. also, in homeroom, and advisory and class time, im going to make sure their being productive and doing something they need to do. and these rules apply to me too so yeah, im going to change too. in period 1, we had a debate on abolition, that was fun. but we ended early because people in our class is dumb and they dont want to debate they just sit there -.- so yeah. in period 3, we were supposed to have a quiz, but turns out, she changed it. instead, we're going to be doing a teacher lesson next class, and that'll determine our "quiz" grade. im actually happy we changed to this. because im not really shy so its easy for me, lol. for period 5, i went to the band concert and missed math, because james campbell band came over and played for us. it was fun. they played good soothing songs too. relaxing ;p lol. then they also played pep music. that sounded coool. and i think that was all for today.. oh yeah, today was really different ;p because like. i like this boy, and then now its all awkward cuz he knoes (x like, oh gawd. lol. awka-awkward ~. so now im all scared because what if he doesnt want to talk to me now cuz i like him ? ;d bleh. see you tomrrow bloggers. night.

tuesday ~~ hayy guys and gales ! how was your day (: ? well i hope it was good. mines was going really well. until afterschool. i found out one of my friends are only being nice to me because he doesnt want me to be mean to him. so from when i heard about it, i promised my self from that moment on, i'd change. and im glad to say, this plan is actually coming through. i came home, did my chores, and went jogging. im really glad that im actually starting to jog. my plan is to go everyday, or every other day if i cant everyday. i like to jog because i get to relax and have "me" time. but i dont go alone, i go with a friend. ahah. also, part of my plan is to finish everything, such as showering, eating, and all that, by 8:30 - 9:00, and then doing homework, reading until i get sleepy. which so far, im coming through on. its 7:46 right now, and then im going to go eat, and then do homework and read after. but the other things i promised myself was that, im done being friends with the boy that is suppositly just nice because he doesnt want to get treated mean. why have a friend if they arent a true one? ha. im so fed up already. and also, im going to try and be more independent. im going to wear what i want, and do what i want, and go by only what i think. im not going to care on what people think of me. also, im going to try be nicer.. i guess im mean, and i have to work on it. moving on to periods though. for period 2, which is leadership, we worked on our speeches and worked on our dance. the speeches actually had a great outcome. i memorized me and zhaslyns part because it was easier that way. and then the dance is doing good ;3 lol. do dee hustle. doo-doo-doo-do-do-do-do-do. el oh el. then in period 4, which is english, we worked on our poems. for english, we have to create a poem, and its kind of hard. and finally the last period of the day, period 6, band. we worked on chorale suite 111, and pieces of eight. im kind of struggling. im going to try practice tommorow, since i brang my instrument home. oh yeah, and me and period 2 is trying to plan something, to spend more time. but it all depends if can. lol. so yeahh. and then me and my group is working lounge, and we're playing aladdin and that went well. andyeah, that was today ! hope you guys had a good day like me (x bye !

Wednesday ~~ hi again people. Well today was something else. Somehow, life tricked me once again, making me believe my parents were actually going to let me grow up (: life was leading me on, tricking me to believe that my parents actually trust me and are letting me grow up by making them let me go jogging , and you know , letting me do all this crap. Then today, life decided to tell me the real truth and laugh in my face . My dad said no, that I can't go jogging . And guess what? He thinks I have a fake boyfriend . Ha. i dont even wear makeup, i dont go out, what do i do that would make you think that?? So funny, I forgot to laugh. Well here I am. Probably only one of the teenagers that never get let out until they're 18. i mean, i know im only 13, but still. you know ,my friends and other kids my age, they go out, go partys, go cruise, smoke, drink and all that stuff. and all i want to do is go jogging , and i cannot . can you believe ?! i dont smoke, i dont drink, i dont skip school, i try hard in school, and all im asking is to go for a good jog to relax, and my parents say no. yeah, im only 13, but seriously. i am not asking for THAT much. but you know, just love this so much. I get to eat as much as I can, do homework , sleep , watch TV and get fat. yay me. well lets just continue with today. today was odd periods. for period 3 , which is science, we did our teacher presentation lessons. we sucked because we went first ;d nah, we did alright. then in period 5, which is algebra 1, we obviously, worked on math. lol. we did a worksheet on surface area, and yeahh. then for period 1, which is social studies , we did a debate, which i have to say, was varry awsome ;3 ahah. but besides all that, thats all i have. ahah. oh yeah, and we're almost done with aladdin. we only need like 5 more minutes and then pau. but yeah. well thats all today peoples. tomrrow, ill be back ;p

Thursday ~~ today, was plain .. we had periods 4,6 &2. i didnt get good rest last night. and that sucked because i had a boring class first. for period 4, i had english, which is always boring. we went over vocab section #3, and it went well i guess. i mean, it always does go well, it just goes by veryy boringly. then for period6, which is band, we worked on i dreamed a dream (my favorite) and i always feel like crying when i play it (x it's just so emotional that song ;p lol. and then after we practiced for a while, we had picture taking. and then yeah. for leadership, we did work. for me, i specifically worked on yearbook. i worked on my letter, which i'll probably type out tomrrow night for mr.ing to check . and yeah, that was all for today. not much interesting. oh yeah, and we finished aladdin, it was good ;p and my crush never came school. booo.

Friday ~~ FINALLY its FRIDAY ! i dont think you understand how much i love fridays. lol. im thinking about staying up all night and just watching movies, and doing girl stuff. lol. all by myself. sad. (x alll byy myselfff. but its ok, i havent had me time in 5evaa. well today was. so trajic. i dont understand if im on probation or not :( mr.ing said the wrong percent, and then when i met it, turns out im 1% away !! like omg -.- i starting tearing ;( like foreals. so close and den. ugh. i hope and pray i am not on probation. fureals. but classes today. ehh. boring. so boring, i dont even want to .---. well progress reports come out next week :( the stress. grades was all put in final today, so my teachers say. man. i got ALOT of explaining to do. i need to step it up and get up. im breaking my own promise to myself ! :( what is happining to me. im a wreck ;d oh yeah. i no longer have a crush on my old crush. cuz, no need crush. new game plan. tonight, do missing assignments and maybe even read. no more crushes from now on. from when i come home till im done with my homework, no phone. no TV, no friends over, nothing. only exception for a friend over is studying. MAYBE. depends. i need to start thinking whats BEST . and then, even when i finish my homework, no phone, friends, or all of that until my chores are done. then , and only then, i can go outside, jogging, etc. (: this better work because whatever im doing now, it's not happenin' for mee. its holding me back, and i need to let it go and focus. if no social life for certain times of the day is what i have to do for straight A's gots ta do what i gots to do. and then yeah. thats all for today, and this week. i hope you guys had a good week and i hope you guys have a even better one next week (: see you guys laterr.