blog of the weeek.

it was a long week. honestly, it felt like it flew by quick, but alot just was happening left and right. i joined track. yay. and before i start talking on and on, yes this is a late blog.my classes this week were actually not that bad. we finished up all of our projects finally. in leadership, idk. i feel like im wasting my breath sometimes.i tell people in leadership to do this, do that, but they dont listen. they "ignore" me. like you know what, listen up because you cant do this on your own. your not all that okay, so just listen to us. i honestly feel like everyone in leadership should respect everyone. its irritating when us leaders have to take responsibility for you when you mess up on something we told you exactly what to do, but you just ignored us at that moment. like, you do not know okay? there are somethings that we know, that you dont. we also went to our teams homerooms every homeroom morning to show what to wear and not wear on spirit week. im kind of excited for spirit week, yet scared because my team doesnt even know our cheer. my period is kind of MIA. alot have been absent here and there, and this whole week i dont think we had a single period where we were all there. but overall, this week was messy. i didnt pull myself together like i said i would, i actually gave up. and tbh, nothing's getting better for me. i dont know how im  going to change, but i have to. i dont know when i'll change, but i have to. i dont know when i'll stop talking alot, but i have to. i dont know when i'll stop being lazy, but i have to. i dont know when i'll start actually listening in class, but i have to.i dont know when i'll make my parents proud, but i have to. whats wrong with me .---. i can only hope and pray that this upcoming week, i'll change. every other week is the same thing. i write a blog saying how " im going to change and make things different and be better" but i never do. my grades are falling. im honestly just giving up. i feel like just picking up , and moving to a whole different city, just so i can ditch all this crap. i cannot handle anymore. i think the reason why im so screwed up now, is because i started badly. i didnt give it my all from the beginning of 7th grade. i should've tried hard, i should've studied for quizes, i should've set my standards high. but i didnt, and thats why i am who i am today. im just so irritated with everyone. so much stress ! its killing me ;d but i think i can do it all, im just not trying hard "enough". so this weekend, i decided to knock off some things that distract me. first of all, having a thing with someone. i had a thing with this boy, and we were really close. i told him i dont want to talk to him anymore. i did this because honestly, he's a distraction. so yeah. no more him. hopefully i can do better now. its going to be hard because i have him every class every odd day, but its ok. i'll learn to ignore him. as much as i dont want to, it's for the best, and i need to get at my best. to be quieter, im going to start listening to more music. concentrate more. focus more. music helps alot with that. im also going to try be more independent. i hate when people think i CANT stop talking. i can. i can go silent for as long as i want. i CHOOSE to talk alot. why? because thats me. but i think i should change that. because i think people get "irritated". even my parents tell me i talk way to much. its to the point where i tell them about my day, and they say "okay heighlee! we get it. we feel like we were there already. you dont have to explain everything you did. we dont care." like seriously? i keep them updated because i want them to know im open. i want them to know im not hiding anything. but no. i shouldn't even waste my breathe anymore. just whatever. to do my homework more, im going to focus during class, and put homework before other things such as my btq and all. and im going to do it the day it's assigned so it's ready to be turned in next class already. as for reading, AR was due last week. i obviously cant change anything about that, but just read faster next quarter. for being lazy, im going to change by doing everything before i sit down, and watch TV. im going to do all my chores before i go on my phone. im going to finish all my homework before i take a nap. and thats all i think... hopefully these changes start tomorrow. i cant handle struggling anymore. i cant handle having a D in a class i know i can get atleast a B in. especially when honestly, i know i can get a A in that class, if i studied harder, and did my work on time. if i honestly wasnt lazy and i did all my work at my 101% best, i would have an A in every class. i hope i can step it up this week and full on change. i want to get good grades. i want my parents to be proud. i want to be different already because right now, my life sucks. k bye bloggers . have a good week. i think im going to go work on yearbook now... k bye.